Aug. 31st, 2012 07:47 am
sirius20_81: (glaucoma medication)
[personal profile] sirius20_81
I moved to Indiana in 2000. In 2001, I met Bob*. Later that year he introduced me to Chris. In 2002 Chris and I started (kinda) a relationship. In 2006 we moved in to a place with Bob and one other guy. And while Bob has been irksome and irresponsible at times, I always loved the guy. Last year, shortly after I got pregnant, he started a relationship with a girl that just completely fucked his head up. He was almost never home, leaving pregnant me and 14 hour a day Chris to take care of his dog. He lost his job because he could never keep the schedule straight and was spending all his free time with said girl. They broke up, he got a little better. He found a better situation for the dog. He started working (in earnest) at a bar as a sound tech. The household moved, and he moved with us.
Then, in December, Leelu happened. After that, he never asked us for a ride to work (bear in mind, he's 26 years old and has never had a license) anymore, and most nights would stay at his friend's house, which was closer to the bar.
By the end of February he was an occasional visitor. Only stopping in to change out his clothes supply. By the end of March, he had stopped doing even that.
And then I started to hear about things. Like the occasional cocaine usage. I mean, I knew he was a weed smoker, always had been, but this was new. A few months went by and other than occasional messages on facebook, we really hadn't had much contact with him.
Chris' birthday is in August. So roommie decided to throw a party at the bar. He arranged for bands and invited a bunch of people. It was pretty awesome. It also gave me a chance to talk to him about stuff, cuz, you know, alcohol.
I guess Leelu really fucked him up bad. When I got pregnant, it made him think about how empty his life felt. Which kinda pushed him into the awful relationship with the girl. She had a daughter and he was looking for an instant family. Which he later realized wasn't fair to anyone (the girl was still a psycho, though).
After Leelu died, he couldn't stand to be in the house anymore with the reminders of her. He was really looking forward to helping out. He couldn't take seeing Chris and I struggling with every day. He had no idea what to say, or how to help, so he left. He feels bad about it, but I really don't blame him. After he left, he struggled with the loss, just like we did. But for him, it was really more of a realization that his life wasn't where he wanted it to be. Without a stable support system, he started drinking more heavily and the occasional cocaine usage started. He's cleaned up since then. And he realizes why he did what he did.
I don't know if we'll ever be as close as we were, but I really hope he finds happiness in his life. I miss him.

*not his name. I'd rather not put his name out there on this without his permission.
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