my aunt has a problem with twisting things around, so i'm posting the letter i wrote her here just so there's a public copy that can be referenced for validity (i've also kept a printed copy, saved the file to my hard drive, and saved it on a thumb drive).
There’s just a few points that I want to get across without getting inaccuracies spouted at me.
First: Sami’s fine. She eats. She gets attention. She has a bed and clean clothes. She goes to school and gets good grades. She’s happy and has friends that she goes out and plays with. Just because she had no direct supervision at her house for a total of MAYBE 45 minutes a day does not make her neglected.
Second: and let me be totally clear on this, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SEE SAMANTHA UNLESS HER MOTHER GIVES YOU THAT RIGHT. She is the custodial parent. Under Indiana State Law the only people who have the right to see her are: the custodial parent, the non custodial parent (as per the custody arrangement), and, if they petition for it, her Grandparents. You are, in the eyes of the law/courts, a stranger and as such have no claim or control over her. The only way you would get the “right” to see her against her mother’s wishes (before she turns 18) is if her mother and father were deemed unfit to be her custodians, as well all grandparents and adult siblings. You’re way down on the list of who “gets” to see Sami. You can fact check that if you want, but I’ve already spoken to a lawyer about it.
Third: You keep saying that mom needs to wake up to the truth and be honest. I think maybe you need to take that advice yourself. Every time there is a disagreement in the family, you twist around everyone’s words to make it so that you’re the victim. Yes, mom got a notice for a certified letter from CPS. She wasn’t home when they came by to drop it off because she was at a job interview (You know, that thing you need to be able to support your child when your ex-spouse doesn’t pay support. That thing she had before you jumped to conclusions and reported her to the cops.)
There were things said over the phone that have been misrepresented to other parties. I, at no point, called you bi-polar. I wouldn’t make a diagnosis like that. Besides, I really don’t think you are. I did, however, call you a psycho. This implies that you suffer from psychosis. Which, I think, is more valid.
Psychosis: a mental disorder characterized by symptoms,
such as delusions, that indicate impaired contact with reality.
I honestly believe that you have lost touch with reality, and hope you get your grip on it soon.
There’s a reason people don’t answer when you call, actually, there are multiple reasons.
Almost without reservation, the subject of the call is negative. Whether it’s to bitch about work, complain about other family, or just to lament on your situation with your neighbors, it’s always about you and what everyone else is doing wrong.
Also, we really, really, really don’t care about your neighbors. Yeah, we feel bad for them, but we don’t know them and don’t need to be filled in on their medical situations everyday.
You also need to take a look at when it is you’re calling people. I was raised that you do not call someone after 9:30 unless you have spoken to them prior in the day and know they’ll be up waiting for your call, or it’s absolutely urgent that you speak to them. In all other cases, you wait until the next day. It’s also possible they didn’t answer because they were *gasp* actually doing something. I know, it’s crazy, but sometimes you just can’t get to your phone. Even your cell phone.
Lastly, half of your calls are to update us on stories that you told us earlier that we really didn’t care about then, and care even less about now.
And if you really want to bitch about people not answering the phone when you call, how about you pick up the phone when we call you. I think you’ve picked up maybe 10 times TOTAL when I’ve called you. I’ve always had to wait for you to call me back.
I’m sorry that when we moved to the southside your life seemed to spiral down. That’s not our fault. Please stop trying to punish mom for daring to run away from your control. That’s what you were doing. She’s not your child, she’s not your puppet. You need to let go. She’s almost 50. She’s got a new job, she’s got benefits coming in, and she’s got a support system of people to lean on and give her advice without brow-beating her into what they want her to be. She’s doing just fine without you and you seem to resent that.
Really, what you need to do now, is to sit down and figure out why all of your relationships are so filled with drama. You know, the few relationships you have left. What’s the common denominator in all of it? YOU. Maybe there are issues in your life that you don’t want to deal with. You’ve been left with yourself. Maybe it’s time you work on that.
I’m sorry that your life didn’t turn out the way you wanted. I’m sorry you didn’t have kids. I’m sorry you don’t have a significant other to live with. I wish all of that had happened for you. But it didn’t. You need to stop living vicariously through the people it did happen for, and get a life of your own. Please. For your own sanity, if not for your relationship with your family.
We really just can’t handle you attempting to control everyone’s lives anymore, and will not be a party to it. We’re not going to be your scapegoats anymore. If I could, I would order you into therapy right now to work on whatever it is that is making you so horribly unhappy. But I can’t (I’ve checked the law). All I can do is suggest a good bout of soul searching and self honesty.
I hope you take the advice. It comes, not from a place of pettiness or anger, but from a place of love and concern. I truly believe that all of this is you acting out, crying for help and attention. Why you feel the need to validate yourself by tearing down others is a mystery to me. You deserve love and affection, please stop trying to take it from others to make yourself feel better.
The main point of all of this: I love you, but right now you’re not in your right mind to be making decisions for ANYONE let alone yourself. Please fix that. I miss the Auntie Em I used to know. She disappeared about 10 years ago and I would really like her back. I’m sorry for whatever I’ve said to hurt you, but I was driven to such a point of frustration that it was the only way I could think of to get through to you. I miss you. Take care of yourself. Please call me when you’re better. Maybe then we can talk.