sirius20_81: (colored moon)
2014-12-17 06:41 am

fudge

3 cups sugar
3/4 cup margarine
2/3 cup evaporated milk
1 12-oz. (340 g) package chocolate chips*
1 7-oz. (198 g) jar Kraft Marshmallow fluff
1 cup chopped nuts (optional)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Traditional method:
place chips, marshmallow fluff, vanilla and nuts in a heat-safe bowl. Combine sugar, margarine and milk in heavy 2-1/2 quart saucepan; bring to full rolling bail, stirring constantly. Continue boiling 4 minutes over medium heat, stirring constantly. pour immediately into the the heat safe bowl. Stir until all chips and fluff is melted. pour into prepared pan (i use 8x8 foil pans, but it makes very large fudge pieces). cool completely. cut and store in air-tight container.

*peanut butter variation: use half the chips (i like reese's peanut butter chips) and at least 1 1/2 cups of peanut butter

*mint chocolate variation: use mint chocolate chips (i like Andes pieces)
sirius20_81: (colored moon)
2013-11-22 11:46 am

seriously, this is becoming an upsetting pattern

I know I don't really post here much anymore, and when I do it's because the universe has conspired to fuck me over. It's happened again.
The other morning, my furnace quit working. After having my husband look at it and determining that he couldn't fix it, we called the repairman out. He delivered the awful news. It's broken. Completely broken. "You're lucky the house didn't burn down" broken. He said it would be cheaper to replace than fix, but quoted both for me. He then told me to have another guy out to give a second opinion. I did. Second guy concurred, gave me a higher quote. Then I cried.
It's going to cost ~3k to replace, and just over 4k to fix. I can get my hands on about 1k of this, but I don't know where I'm going to get the rest. My mortgage company has given me until 15th to fix it, because it being broken makes the house "unlivable" and therefore means we'll be in default of the mortgage contract. My homeowners insurance (which is through the mortgage company) won't cover it because it's due to "standard wear and tear". I've looked in to assistance programs but we don't qualify for any of the ones I have found. I don't know how I'm going to do this.
I've made arrangements for the kids so that they have a warm place to sleep at night, but that still leaves me pregnant, cold, and scared. If I can't get the money together by December 14th, we're going to be homeless, and I'm due to deliver in January.
I don't know what to do. I have no other family to turn to. All my local friends are more broke than I am. I am completely desperate, which is why I'm turning to you.
I've set up a Paypal for donations. I understand Paypal makes some people more comfortable, but if you want, you can message me, I'll give you my address so you can send it straight to me. I wish I had some kind of talent to offer you, but the only things I can make are baby blankets, basic scarves, crocheted fingerless gloves, and fudge. (if you'd like me to make any of those for you, I'd be more than will to, just know that it won't be until early February that I'll be able to get around to making and shipping them).
Please, I'm begging. Anything anyone can do to help would be so greatly appreciated. I'm terrified that this time next month, my son and I are going to be homeless. Please.








Thank you.
sirius20_81: (colored moon)
2013-01-21 09:34 am

the universe blows

So the last month has been shit. Chris's car threw a rod, so I was driving him to work. Then our sump pump went out and the basement flooded, which cost us about $800 to replace and repair. My car has now decided to crash out, leaving us without a vehicle. After talking to our mechanic friend, it's going to cost us AT LEAST a grand to fix ONE of the cars. We can't be without a vehicle. Chris works 24 miles away, his commute takes 45 minutes, one way. All of his co-workers live on the other side of it from us, so we would be asking them to give up about 4 hours of their day to drive him, and we're not ok with that. We don't live close enough to the bus line for that to be an option, and calling a cab is far too expensive. So we NEED to fix ONE of them by next Tuesday. If we can't get it fixed, Chris is going to have to find a job closer to home, which means he loses all of his benefits, medical, retirement, dental, and free schooling for dependents. Looking at our finances, we're going to come up about $800 short. We're pretty fucked at this point.

So yeah, i hate doing this, but, uh... help if you can?mOo








ETA: we sent out tax return out, and are getting a substantial refund, so I could have any money let paid back by the 20th of February.
sirius20_81: (Default)
2012-10-22 04:03 pm

patterns

Last year, I lost my daughter shortly after birth. I had knitted her a hat and blanket set. I felt fortunate that I had those on hand because it was extremely important to me to bundle her up in something cuddly and cozy. I have made the decision that every year, I will knit 2 sets, one for a boy, one for a girl, and donate them to the hospital to be given to families whose child has just passed. I will donate each set on her birthday. This year I have added booties to the set. I'm going to add the pattern for each (although I just kinda wing the blanket)here. Partly so that I don't lose them, partly so that if you choose, you can do the same thing in her honor.

Materials:
2 300g (LARGE) balls of Bernat baby blanket yarn (super bulky weight)
size 11 knitting needles
crochet hook to weave ends and seams

Bootie:
cast on 22
row 1,3,5 knit
row 2,4,6 purl
row 7 cast off 5 knit to end
row 8 cast off 5 purl to end
row 9 knit
row 10 purl
row 11 decrease one in knit, knit to end
row 12 decrease one in purl, purl to end
row 13 knit 2 together across row, ending with 5 stitches on needle
row 14 purl 2 together, purl 1, purl 2 together ending with 3 stitches on needle
pull yarn through 3 stitches, sew seams
turn down cuff and decorate with bow if wanted
repeat for second bootie

Hat:
Cast 19
row 1 slip one stitch knit wise. knit to end of row
row 2 knit 18. leave remaining unworked. turn
row 3 slip one stitch knitwise
row 4 knit 17, leave remaining unworked. turn
row 5 slip one stitch knit wise. knit to end.
row 6 knit 16. leave remaining unworked. turn
row 7 slip one stitch knit wise. knit to end.
row 8 knit to end of row (19 stitches).
repeat rows 1-8 7 more times (64 rows)
cast off. sew seams

Blanket:
cast on 75 to 105
alternate rows of knit and purl
work the yarn until either: you run out, or you are happy with the size of the blanket.
cast off. weave ends.
sirius20_81: (glaucoma medication)
2012-08-31 07:47 am

roommates

I moved to Indiana in 2000. In 2001, I met Bob*. Later that year he introduced me to Chris. In 2002 Chris and I started (kinda) a relationship. In 2006 we moved in to a place with Bob and one other guy. And while Bob has been irksome and irresponsible at times, I always loved the guy. Last year, shortly after I got pregnant, he started a relationship with a girl that just completely fucked his head up. He was almost never home, leaving pregnant me and 14 hour a day Chris to take care of his dog. He lost his job because he could never keep the schedule straight and was spending all his free time with said girl. They broke up, he got a little better. He found a better situation for the dog. He started working (in earnest) at a bar as a sound tech. The household moved, and he moved with us.
Then, in December, Leelu happened. After that, he never asked us for a ride to work (bear in mind, he's 26 years old and has never had a license) anymore, and most nights would stay at his friend's house, which was closer to the bar.
By the end of February he was an occasional visitor. Only stopping in to change out his clothes supply. By the end of March, he had stopped doing even that.
And then I started to hear about things. Like the occasional cocaine usage. I mean, I knew he was a weed smoker, always had been, but this was new. A few months went by and other than occasional messages on facebook, we really hadn't had much contact with him.
Chris' birthday is in August. So roommie decided to throw a party at the bar. He arranged for bands and invited a bunch of people. It was pretty awesome. It also gave me a chance to talk to him about stuff, cuz, you know, alcohol.
I guess Leelu really fucked him up bad. When I got pregnant, it made him think about how empty his life felt. Which kinda pushed him into the awful relationship with the girl. She had a daughter and he was looking for an instant family. Which he later realized wasn't fair to anyone (the girl was still a psycho, though).
After Leelu died, he couldn't stand to be in the house anymore with the reminders of her. He was really looking forward to helping out. He couldn't take seeing Chris and I struggling with every day. He had no idea what to say, or how to help, so he left. He feels bad about it, but I really don't blame him. After he left, he struggled with the loss, just like we did. But for him, it was really more of a realization that his life wasn't where he wanted it to be. Without a stable support system, he started drinking more heavily and the occasional cocaine usage started. He's cleaned up since then. And he realizes why he did what he did.
I don't know if we'll ever be as close as we were, but I really hope he finds happiness in his life. I miss him.


*not his name. I'd rather not put his name out there on this without his permission.
sirius20_81: (Default)
2012-06-29 12:51 pm

so.fucked

We are so completely fucked right now. With my mom not being able to pay us and our roommate just leaving (more on that later) we're completely screwed. We may lose the house. And I'm terrified to tell Chris how bad it is. After Leelu (and now Holly, his dog), I just can't bear to give him any bad news. I have a sick feeling that he'd leave me. And right now I'm absolutley terrified that I'm going to be homeless and alone shortly. Fuck.

So yeah, i hate doing this, but, uh... help if you can?





sirius20_81: (Default)
2012-06-25 12:17 pm

Guilt

So, I’m waiting on availability for a doctor appointment to get a referral for counseling. in the mean time this will have to do, please forgive any punctuation/capitalization/general grammar errors.

last year i was pregnant. chris and i had been trying for 5 years to have another baby. we wanted a little girl. at the first ultrasound we got our wish. there she was, a tiny little girl.

with a hole in her diaphragm. so we saw specialists and neonatologists. we toured the NICU. she and i had an MRI. we were given 50/50 odds. the OB/GYN had us come in every week to check her growth. it was good, it was normal, in fact she was a little large, but the hole was still there. we made arrangements for child care so i could be with her, for at least a while, every day she was going to be in the hospital after birth. the decision was made to have a c-section to best control all the variables of delivery, and so they could stabalize her for transfer to the NICU as soon as possible. the day finally came. as i lay on the table, the last 5 months of abject terror washed over me. and then i heard her cry. and at that moment i was filled with peace.

then they rushed her out of the room. they stitched me up and took me to recovery. in my morphine haze i said to chris “i hope she’s ok”. about 10 minutes later one of the neonatologists came in. “she’s not doing well. we’re going to try for another few minutes, but at this point she’s just suffering. any longer and there will be irreparable brain damage”. then they brought her to me. my beautiful daughter. and she died in my arms.

ever since then i’ve been dealing with the crushing guilt. i’ve questioned EVERY DECISION I’VE EVER MADE. because what if that one time i did that thing, something inside me broke and because of that i killed my child. that’s the thought i live with every day. I KILLED MY CHILD. because of me, and my body’s inability to do what it was DESIGNED to do, my daughter is dead. i couldn’t do something women do accidentally on a daily basis. i made her wrong. and because i made her wrong, she never even got the chance to live. i ripped a hole in my family. we will never be complete. there’s always going to be a chunk missing. and i’m always going to blame myself.

it’s been almost 7 months since her birthday. the doctors have cleared me to try again. and i want to. i’m worried that people will see this as me trying to replace her. nothing is going to replace my little Leelu Shea. SHE IS MY DAUGHTER. she will always be my daughter. and if i do get pregnant again, i’m going to be terrified of this happening. even though it had staggering odds the first time.

but so many other things can go wrong. i’m trying to clean myself up before we actually start trying, so that i know that i did everything i possibly could to give this child the best chance. i’ve quit smoking. i haven’t had a drink since new years. i’ve (mostly) cleaned up my diet. i’ve started a workout program. i’ve also started taking my prenatal vitamins again. i hate feeling that i’m going to have to justify myself to people. but i also hate feeling that if something does go wrong, i don’t know if i’ll be able to handle it. i still live with the fear that, someday, chris will start to blame me as well, and he’ll leave me. and worse, i fear he would take our son with him.

so please. understand. i love her. i miss her. i take the blame for her not being here. but i need to move on, or i’m going to wallow and suffocate from the guilt and fear. i’m stuck in my own swamp of sadness, and i refuse to go down like artax.

it’s time for me to try again. and if it’s not meant to be, i’m fine with that.
sirius20_81: (sad)
2010-10-16 01:42 am

don't mind me, I'll just be over here in the corner

It's strange: I love to be the shoulder to cry on for other people. I feel I'm at my best when helping someone through their worst. I know everyone gets knocked about in life, and I just want everyone I know to enjoy what little time they get here as much as they can. But when I'm having a tough time I feel like I'm being a self-indulgent whiny annoying bitch.

I almost feel as though I'm not worth helping. It's as though no matter what anyone says or does, my life is still going to go to shit and it's going to be my fault.

I know I'm far better off than some. I've got a loving husband (ok, not exactly. We've been together for 8 years now and the ONLY reason we're not already married is Indiana requires a pre-marital exam performed by a doctor and we just can't afford that. Nor can we afford to go to Vegas. To me, he is my husband. Plain and simple) who drags himself out of bed every morning to support us at a job that is literally wearing down his body. My son is awesome. I know it's a mother's job to say that, but he really is. He's smart as hell. He's never gotten below a B on anything (except his citizenship grade this term), he's in the advanced reading group, he's already multiplying and doing word problems (he's in first grade) and he LOVES to go to school. We rarely have to discipline him and we STILL get comments on how he's amazingly behaved (he does get distracted easily though, hence his C in citizenship). My extended family is a bit crazy, but whose isn't? I only have a few friends, but I've always been the kind of person who prefers quality over quantity.

So when it comes down to issues, I always feel like I'm the problem.
If I had finished college, I'd have a marketable skill.
If I hadn't taken the time off to be a stay at home mom until Xander went to school, I'd probably be a manager somewhere by now. I'd at least have 6 more years of experience to put on my resume. As it is, my last real job (other than my 2 months of seasonal work at the gas station last year) was in 2001. I'm pretty much unhirable it seems. So I'm a drain on the family finances and I don't contribute anything. And, honestly, most of our problems right now stem from the fact that we're always broke as hell, but don't want to deny our son (within reason, we don't buy him everything he asks for, but he's got a HELL of a matchbox/hotwheels collection going).
Also, I (obviously) have some emotional/mental issues. Particularly with my self-worth. I know it's (mostly) a result of my stepfather beating it into me for years (sometimes literally, once with a guitar) that I'm lazy, ugly, stupid, and unwanted. But you can only hear something so many times before you start to think that maybe there's some truth to it. Hell, my biological father didn't want me. He's never even made the effort to contact me since I was 6. Sometimes I think my mom's life would have been better if I hadn't been born. I was an accident. Because of me, she got married to my ass of a sperm donor, got divorced and had to go into the army. If I hadn't come along, who knows what she could have done with her life.
I can't deny that I'd rather lie in bed than do the dishes or laundry, so maybe I am lazy. Maybe if I had been a better daughter to my ex-stepfather, he wouldn't have beaten me. Maybe he wouldn't have felt the need to cheat on my mom. Maybe they'd still be together, maybe my little sister would know her father as more than someone she goes to see every few years, maybe my mom wouldn't be so lonely now.
My health also isn't the greatest since I let myself get so heavy (I'm an emotional eater and with all of the stress I ballooned up to 400). I'm down a bit now, I'm hovering right around 340, but it's been hard and I'm having trouble sticking with my diet. It doesn't help that it's more expensive to eat healthier foods.
I'm also scared that I've messed Xander up. I know he's a good kid now, but he's almost guaranteed to be a nerd growing up. I remember what that was like, and I don't want him to suffer through that. But more than that, I'm afraid I've passed on my crazy to him. And I feel like his problems concentrating in class are a result of my minor drug usage as a teenager.

Sometimes I just don't see the point in anything anymore. Sometimes I feel like if I were to disappear, no one would notice or care. And if they did, they would realize soon enough that their lives got better once I was gone.

I feel horrible when I get into one of these moods because they scare my son. I've tried to tell him that he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and that I've just got something wrong with my head that makes me cry sometimes, I'm just not sure he understands. I just don't know what to do about them. When I was on medication (right after I graduated high school, I was institutionalized for 3 months), my moods were steady. Zombie-like, but steady. I can't function on the meds though. Not that I can afford them anyway. I can barely afford the things we have, there's no way I'd be able to afford a doctor.

I'm so sorry I've rambled on. Sometimes talking makes me feel better, but I hate burdening other people with my problems. I'm done now. I do feel a tiny bit more positive, all things considered. Thanks for listening.
sirius20_81: (Default)
2010-10-05 06:58 am

Spirit Day

Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] neo_prodigy at Spirit Day
 


It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes at at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh (top)
RIP Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase (middle)
RIP Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. (bottom)

REBLOG to spread a message of love, unity and peace.


sirius20_81: (Default)
2010-08-31 10:39 am

brb

ok, so comcast finally came and took their modem (i haven't paid them in 3 months... kinda on purpose) so right now it's just library internet for me. so i'll be gone for a bit. gonna call at&t later and see how much they want to give me internets. i'll let you know when i get back how the outside world is without wi-fi.... i'm scared.
sirius20_81: (Default)
2010-08-25 04:41 pm

this is really just for public record

my aunt has a problem with twisting things around, so i'm posting the letter i wrote her here just so there's a public copy that can be referenced for validity (i've also kept a printed copy, saved the file to my hard drive, and saved it on a thumb drive).



 

here goes )

 

sirius20_81: (Default)
2010-07-24 12:58 am
Entry tags:

i need a translator

My roommate's ex-kinda-lesbian girlfriend has been harrassing me ever since he decided he was done with her after she hooked up with his best friend and his brother told him about her sucking his brother off for rent. Now, this bitch has problems. Being too smart is not one of them. a typo here and there I can forgive. Even a lack of capitalization is ok with me. This is just fucking retarded.
OK, so I'm just gonna post the messages I've been getting, with no editing.
The messages started off with:
"hey you should go fuck yourself, cuz no one else will! FATTASSS"

To which I replied:
"I've never said anything to you or about you. I couldn't care less what you do with your life. And yet, you can't seem to let something go that should have been done with months ago. You keep saying not to contact you (at least that's what I think you're saying, it's hard to decipher through all the misspellings and 3rd grade grammar) but you keep contacting us. We don't care. We've moved on. Is your life with mark really that sad that you have to harrass me?
Also, yes, I'm fat. Congratulations, you have eyes. thing is, I can change that whenever I want, simply by going on a diet. You, however, are a cold-hearted, petty, hate-filled bitch. And that, my dear, they have no diet for."

And then she said:

"go fuck yourself ...diet my ass!!! you wld have by now! what cn you do about your dirty nasty house????????????????/ clean it? haha you will never change! i feel sorry for you and your child! whats your last name byant?? you started this on facebook bitch! o and btw your not fat, its called obisity!!!GET HELP!"

"To make things clear! You n chris cn go fuck your white trah asses! Leave us aline, all we care about and eber did, is matt! If you two are so fucking intelligent??? Why dont you take better care of yout son??? o' nimd me, pardon ...cuz your not only, fatt, but nasty, ungrateful, white-trash, dirty, piece-of-shit,worthless-to society, fucks.....! Hows that third grade grammer? Or should i call it: sit on my lard ass all day, in front of a computer, and not take care of my son, any my boyfriend wont fuck me, let alone, stand to smell my dirty ass gramer???? What is it self-loathing, obess bitch?? Huh???? FUCK OFF!!"

"O and far beyond it for dumbass to afford an i4, which is hard to messages on! But ur broke ass wldt understand, huh? Get off ur ass, and stop making excuse, lazy, noisey bitch!"


And then, not 20 minutes later I get this:

"------------My bad, some other brandi must b talkin shit on face book, althoug i dont know any one else named brandi, and that message came after chris talked a whole lot of shit. Never the less i have no reason to say mean and hurtful things to you! Its not me, unless ive had wayyyyy to much to drink! So i do apologize. I will delete and block all three of you because i do not want to have anything to do with youand you will not hear from me again ."


Yeah. I've never even talked to this girl on Facebook. I rarely talk on Facebook at all. And yes, my house is messy sometimes. And my dishes don't always get done right after eating. I have a 6 year old that I like to spend time with and 3 other adults living here. Five people's stuff can get pretty cluttered and messy. Also, I am obese. I get this. I'm also 10% smaller than I was in February. I just really don't understand why someone has to be so fucking hurtful. It's really not my fault Matt doesn't want to talk to her anymore. It's also not my fault that she'll suck your dick if you pay her rent. These are just facts.

So, even though I know she's a complete fucktard, why does all of this hurt so much?
sirius20_81: (shenanigans)
2010-04-15 01:09 pm

checking in

I know I haven't posted here in quite a while. And it's not that I didn't want to update. It just got to the point where posting to LJ from my iPod got to be seriously annoying. I mean, I really, really hate that keypad. Right now I'm in the library using their computers.* I've been keeping up with my diet, I've lost 25~30 lbs (it depends on whether you weigh me in the morning or at night). I don't have much time left here, just wanted to check in. I need to get going though, my blood sugar's dropping and I'm starting to get a migraine.






*in case you missed it: my sister fucked my computer all to hell. I need a windows install disk to do a fresh install, I just simply can't seem to get my hands on one. I'm using my grandmother's computer, and I know her copy of windows is legal, it's just that no one seems to remember where anything that had anything to do with that computer went when my grandpa died and she moved out of that house.
sirius20_81: (Default)
2010-03-30 08:10 am

listening to "The Book Of Love - Peter Gabriel" on Blip

Damn you Peter Gabriel! Making me feel feelings.
sirius20_81: (Default)
2010-03-01 02:55 am

OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT

Well, i guess congress adjourned without re-authorizing unemployment extensions. I don't know if this means that if you're on an extension that you're not getting anymore money, or if it means that as soon as you've exhausted your current benefits, there is no extension. Which would be really nice to know, because I'm fuckin BROKE this week and the only money we were going to get before next Wednesday was an unemployment check. I have rent to pay, storage (which I'm a month behind on anyway), cable (ditto the storage), power (which i can push back a week, so I'm not breaking out in cold sweats over that), and gas. Not to mention the fact that we have to eat (i have food stamps, but there was a glitch with turbo tax that may or may not have fucked my benefits there, i could never get my social worker to call me back), if the weather would warm up Chris could go back to work (but that incurs a few other expenses, like contacts because he can't work in his glasses, gas, and insurance on my car since it finally got fixed, which totals about $150). I'm so totally fucked. Even if I do get the check, $160 immediately goes to cable, and $160 to storage, which will leave me a little less than $100. I'll get the $400 for half of the rent from my roommates on Friday.... i'm just... fucked, not fucked hard, but fucked. at least i don't have to figure out how to pay for cigarettes anymore..... I'm still freaking out a bit though. I'm kinda scared... just a little. SHIT.


ETA: i did get my food stamps, so we can at least eat this week. still no word on unemployment.


ETA: ok, so we got an unemployment check... slight problem though, the card the automatically put the checks on expired yesterday and we've gotten no replacement card... i'm still going to try this card at the atm at 10, but hopefully we get a new card in the mail soon. still kinda screwed moneywise, but i think we may be ok... i'm hoping
sirius20_81: (YAY!)
2010-02-26 02:14 am

UPDATE!

So, I just took a few measurements for the weekly post and am currently ec-fuckin-static! I have lost an inch from my neck, an inch and a half from my waist and the same from my hips! I haven't had a pepsi in almost a week, and I'm down to 1 to 2 cigarettes a day. All in all, I think I'm making progress. I know this is the first week, most of the inches I lost were probably water weight, but I'm still happy.
sirius20_81: (Default)
2010-02-24 09:51 pm

Quickie

Well, I'm still under my calories for the day, about 800 under in fact. I haven't been able to work out today though because I wrenched my knee this morning on the ice. Still haven't had a pepsi, and I've only had 3 cigarettes today. Honestly, all I really want is for someone telling me that I'm doing well. I'm kinda needy that way. Anywho, that's my check in for the day, I'll check in again soon.
sirius20_81: (Default)
2010-02-23 08:22 pm

Checking in

I know I've kinda slacked the last couple days,but I'm still doing ok. I haven't had a Pepsi in over 3 days. I'm consistantly under on my calorie cap, and I've only had one cigarette today. I've just been having a hard time emotionally lately and I've gotten sorta discouraged. I'll check back in soon, but for now it's time to get on my bike :)
sirius20_81: (YAY!)
2010-02-20 09:09 pm

quick check in

calories: net of 1324 leaving me 616 for the day!
Pepsi: NONE!
cigarettes:3
workout: 55 minutes burning over 300 calories!

and now off to bed! Woo!
sirius20_81: (Default)
2010-02-19 10:17 pm

sooo....

I've decided I'm going to regularly check in here with my progress: one check in for how my calories/cigarettes/pepsi/workout stuff for the day went, and one check in a week on my measurements.

So check in one-
Calories: with a goal of a net intake of 1940 a day- I have consumed 1467 and worked off 255 with a net intake of 1212, so I have 728 left for the day!
Cigarettes: I'm aiming on cutting back with an eventual stoppage, so for today with a goal of <10 I've had 4!
Pepsi: given that I had a calorie shortfall of over 800, I indulged and had one. But just one.
Workout: with an eventual goal of a total of 90 minutes- 2 rounds with the bike for a total of 255 calories, 50 minutes of work, and 10 miles ridden!
My impressions/thoughts on today's progress: I think I've done pretty well in total, I'm disappointed I broke down and had the Pepsi, but I hit or exceeded my goal for everything but the bike, and I have to work my stamina up for that.

And now for the horrendously embarrassing check in: my measurements (all in inches)-
Neck: 19
Ribcage (under armpits):54
Ribcage (under bust-line):56
Bust-line: 66
Hips: 66
Waist: 62
Upper Arm: 22(R) 20(L)
Forearm: 13(R) 12(L)
Wrist: 8.5 (R) 8 (L)
Thigh: 38 (R) 36 (L)
Calf: 23 (R) 22(L)
Ankle: 10.5 R&L

I'm hoping all of these numbers go down by next week. I've decided that this is the best way to measure the effectiveness of what I'm doing, as opposed to strictly weight (besides, I don't have a scale at the moment).

So there it is, tune in next Friday for the whole rundown, and every morning for a recap of my day before... you know, if you care. This is really more for me and my need to feel accountable to someone other than myself.